


The Internet Isn't Here

by Zara_Willow



Category: Sad - Fandom
Genre: Depressed Dan Howell, Depression, Sad Dan Howell, Sad Phil Lester, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-09-17 08:11:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16970952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zara_Willow/pseuds/Zara_Willow
Summary: What would Dan's and Phil's lives be without each other? What would happen if they never became friends?





	The Internet Isn't Here

Dan sighed and closed the textbook on his desk. It was two in the morning, but his depression kept him up. He tried looking through his textbook on law that he was forced to buy at university. He couldn't get through a full page before his eyes glazed over and he wanted to throw the book against the wall. As a last resort to do something productive with his life, law was failing him. It didn't interest him anymore. Now, Dan only saw law as a boring life leading nowhere. But what else was there for him to do? He tried making a video to put on YouTube, but he was too scared and eventually stopped talking to his friend that tried to convince him to make the video in the first place. What was his name again? Phil? He glanced down to the plastic Home Depot bag that sat on his bed. Is this really what he wanted? He got up and sat next to the bag, trying to avoid looking inside. When he bought the rope, he felt on like he was on cloud nine, the best he had felt in a long time actually. But as soon as he got home, the bag felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. He got up again and sat back at his desk, opening his laptop. Opening a word document, he wrote, “I’m sorry...” He tried to think of something more to say, but nothing came to mind. He sighed and got up. He wasn't much for long speeches anyways. While tying the rope to the clothing line in his closet, he thought about what might have been. A job with YouTube, days without feeling down, an apartment in London. Maybe he would have gotten the apartment with that Phil guy. Too bad anxiety won in the battle of whether or not to make videos and have the gut to post them online. He smiled softly as he pulled his desk chair up under the noose. That was a fun idea, but it wasn't realistic, dreams don’t come true. Dan stood up on the chair and felts a single tear roll down his cheek. He smiled one last time before kicking the chair out from under him.  
Phil sighed. He looked down at his gray sweatshirt. People were starting to notice that he was no longer wearing his bright, plaid shirts anymore. He didn't care anymore, putting on those bright shirts felt wrong. How could he wear something so bright when it felt like his whole world was crashing down around him? His YouTube career was starting to hit a flatline after Dan started to slowly disappear out of his life. “What’s the point?,” Phil thought, “It’s not like I could actually make a living out of it.” He got up and went over to his windowsill where a small houseplant was slowly dying. “Hey there,” Phil whispered and lifted one of the wilting leaves with his finger. “You’re not looking so good, but then again neither am I. I guess we have something in common.” Phil stood up and walked over to his bed. He stood there swaying for a bit from sleep deprivation. It was two in the morning. He slowly laid down and grabbed his small stuffed lion that he swore that he would keep till the day he died. Curling into the fetal position, he started to softly cry. He felt as if he lost something important but didn't know why. After a while, he drifted to sleep where he dreamt about a life in London with a good friend where they had a radio show and made videos together. When he woke up, Phil smiled. It was a nice dream, but he knew nothing like that could ever happen in real life. He got up, got dressed in gray jeans and a black shirt that was a size too big and went on with his life, always feeling as if something was missing.


End file.
